One shot - Unedited
I wasn't sure how to tell him that I had fallen in love.
It would've been one thing if we were friends, or even knew each other a little better. If I knew his feelings, or how he saw me, or just more about him, it would've diluted these emotions. Instead, thoughts ran untamed through my mind whenever I let myself slow down, and soon enough I found myself looking for anything and everything to do in order to distract my head. After a few weeks, the mental and physical stress of the whole ordeal caused my body to break down, and I was bedridden for a few days.
When I came back, I wasn't expecting to see him. In fact, as much as I wanted to see his face, I didn't. I wanted to see his smile, even if it wasn't directed at me. Just knowing that he was enjoying life was good enough. So whether it was good luck, coincidence, or some higher power trying to spite me, I ran into him in the halls. My breath caught in my throat and I couldn't look him in the eye… but he waved. He waved, and he smiled his gorgeous smile, and he said, "Hello." Usually, I had to be the one to initiate conversations. When I wanted to be around him, I had to find where he was. But this time… fate threw our paths together, we met, and he gave me a smile that lasted for the rest of the day.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a big believer in the whole ideas of 'fate' and 'destiny.' If you ask me, what we do is what we do – no one can say for certain if something was supposed to happen or not. People like fortunetellers… they only tell one of the paths you can take. It's not something you should be constricted to.
I didn't know how to tell him that I had fallen for him, and couldn't get back up. The days wore on and he was still in my mind, but the idea of overworking myself wasn't all that appetizing. I bore the burden of raging hormones, continuing on with my everyday life. But no matter how hard I tried, no matter where I turned, he'd be there, and my heart would race and my head would spin and I couldn't help but want to be the one by his side. I desperately attempted to ignore him, but daily habits had made it impossible not to see him at least once a day. As much as I wanted to run over to him and say, "Hi" and be around him, I kept my mouth shut and continued walking the path I'd walked down oh-so-many times before.
That was always the problem with me. With others, I could wave and smile and greet them and hug them… but when it came down to the guy I was fond of, I became shy and awkward, and terribly self-conscious. It didn't matter how much I wanted to get closer to him. Unless it was through non-verbal communication, I couldn't strike a conversation, or even get out a coherent sentence. But as we grew closer, and there was any chance of him liking me back, would I begin talking to him in person.
Then he spoke to me again. It had been the holiday season, and I slipped a small present into his locker a few days prior, along with a note. My head was echoing with my heartbeat as I closed the door and hurried away, as if I was scared someone would catch me. The days following my heart waited in anxiety, needing to know if he had received the present or not… and what he thought about it. After all, it had been a present that could be taken as an exchange between friends. The note was more than a hastily scribbled message on a piece of scrap paper, with simple holiday wishes and the hope for a happy new year. I was waiting by the lockers for my friend, or perhaps a flash of inspiration – and he walked by, looking as he usually did, if not better. I tried to ignore him as I usually did, but he noticed me and tapped me lightly on the shoulder, looking as he usually did. Smiling as he usually did. Sending my mind in a flurry as he usually did.
"Thanks for the gift."
Later, I believed I was relationship-retarded (which I probably am), and wondered what possessed me to act as I did. My words had caught in my throat, and I simply shook my head and grinned, mumbling a, "No problem." But even now as I look back upon that time and those memories, my heart is constantly set into motion when I recall his face. As soon as I remember that smile of his, my mind is set into bliss and it feels like I've returned to that time long gone. Every time I'm able to hear his voice echoing from the past, it grants me the strength to meet tomorrow.
For that boy who sent my heart into a flurry.
For that boy who made those times memorable.
I'll live my life to the fullest for you, in hopes that you're doing the same.
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